My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. From experimenting with kink to just trying something new and wild, everyone experiences thousands of first times in the bedroom—that's how sex stays fun, right? This week, we're talking to Holly Darling about her first experience of working in a strip club. When I began stripping, I was going through a period where I was really broke and struggling with money constantly and just trying to make ends meet. I had a lightbulb moment one day where I thought, I'll just become a stripper.
Hands Lick lips hot, the money. Would you dance with her? Although the money was usually Strippers gone bad good, sometimes you'd have an off night. Which means they did it for reasons other than "staving off starvation. Take Valerie, for example. Report Comment. That said, a sneaky part of me doesn't want to let go of the idea that if I needed to go back, I could. But then you Strippers gone bad couples like Astrid and her man, Stephen. Like anything else in life, stripping is rich with nuance.
Havana ass. 4) It was wrong him to lie. Hold him accountable
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Thanks for connecting! Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. As soon as clothing became the norm, taking that clothing off became a profitable gig for anyone willing to learn how to do it well. Here's what they told us:. We're equipped to deal with it, but it gets shitty when they decide they don't have to pay because you aren't doing what they want you to do.
I know girls who have been pinned down in champagne rooms. Yeah, there's something about women who are willing to show off their bodies without shame that enrages a very specific sort of terrible person.
It's like they can't stand the idea of the performer retaining any kind of power at all. It's only a minority of customers -- every dancer we talked to said that -- but you interact with a lot of customers. That means that women who work at strip clubs will be assaulted at some point in their careers.
And we're saying that studies show it was percent of the cases they sampled. And in case you think they skewed the stats by, say, declaring truckers wearing "Free Mustache Rides" baseball caps to be a form of assault, let us break it down: 61 percent of strippers report experiencing someone trying to penetrate them via finger, 82 percent have been punched, and a balls-out terrifying 56 percent reported having a customer freaking follow them home at least once.
Holy shit, guys, what the fuck are you doing? Kelly Holsopple. And then there are the non-violent clients who hand over their tips with a healthy side dish of "crazy. Another guy, "always came in with old-school bra and panties sets, trying to give them to the girls. He just had huge bags in his car full of really ugly lingerie, like something your mom would wear. If your reaction to all of this is, "Yeah, men sure are terrible! The second or third time she tried to grab my ass, I moved her hand away again and said 'Seriously, you cannot do that, you have to stop,' and she was like, 'Oh what does it matter, you're just a stripper.
It's a few hours' work for all the sweaty dollar bills that can fit in a G-string. Well, keep in mind My knees crunch and pop when I kneel down now, years later. It's high-impact exercise, and you're doing it in fucking heels. And remember, stripping is the kind of job that brutally punishes having an "off day. Not so for strippers -- they're getting paid in sweaty, wrinkled tips, and customers won't throw money at the dancer giving them anything less than their full attention:.
Emily: "Dog die? Good luck paying your bills. Or, an example from my life, friend dying of cancer? Too bad, rent is coming up. Being able to act is a huge part of the job. Be around alcohol and drunk people, and making everyone involved feel like they're part of the celebration. So good luck, if you're the type who has a problem with it.
Some men want to have a woman to drink with, want to feel like they're on a date. So saying 'I don't drink' can hurt your money. So you ask for a house special and that means 'no booze, please. But that "no booze" request isn't as common as employee livers would probably prefer.
Half of those women reported using "other substances," a phrase which here applies to both "smoking some pot" and "straight-up crack addiction. Salvatore -- our male dancer -- said, " Earl Warren live with himself?
And that's the thing -- it doesn't matter how positive the dancers may be about their work and we'll get to that in a moment , society undeniably acts like exotic dancers should flee the club every night with their faces covered in shame, while villagers pelt them with rotten vegetables.
Salvatore assumed every woman there thought he was either a drug addict, someone with mental issues, or someone who made some "bad life choices" to get where he was or as he put, thought he was " But one consistent sentiment among our dancers was that it's actually a pretty good gig, all things considered.
And in general, strippers report remarkably high job satisfaction whenever someone takes the time to ask. And scientists the best sort of scientists, we're thinking have conducted surveys on chatrooms where strippers gather, and found that non-monetary motivations were discussed nearly four times as often as monetary ones.
Which means they did it for reasons other than "staving off starvation. You have to have self-confidence to do this job. People who were abused don't handle being sexualized very well. Usually it's something you have that makes you good at this job. Not something you didn't have. Again, of course someone in the field might be compelled to lie about that in order to make their job sound better than it is.
But it does appear that sweet lady Science backs her up: one study found that 66 percent of dancers were raised by both their mother and father only slightly less than the general population , and 91 percent reported being close with their parents. And 78 percent reported no exposure to nudity or pornography as children whatsoever. These people wrestled their clothes right off! You can no doubt find plenty of stories from strippers who were in fact runaways, or dropouts, or women with low self-esteem who felt they had nothing else to offer the world.
Some of you might even be surprised to talk to one who didn't fit that profile. But that kind of raises a good point about why, in our society, we consider sex work to be so low and disgusting that doing it is automatically considered a tragedy. Especially considering that You might be thinking, "Hey, I'm an attractive person.
I bet I could strip like the dickens if I was willing to do that kind of work. How hard can taking your clothes off and gyrating be? It didn't go well:. It was discouraging. I was so shocked I got the job, so excited about the fact that I'd gotten to that point, that I didn't pay attention to the other girls You have to learn the art of flirtation, and balancing between being direct and learning when it's OK to beat around the bush and when you must be direct.
Money directly into my hand, NOW. In other words, a key skill is learning how to simply hang out with clients and make them feel comfortable. Emily says, "A lot of guys would just want you to talk to them, cuddle them. A bunch of times I'd walk past girls just sitting, with some guy lying down with his head in her lap, just happily snoozing away I danced for another guy who worked for the mob He was a weird guy, but nice. His wife used to lie on top of him when he fell asleep.
So whenever she was away, he'd come in, get a champagne room, and pay for me to lay on top of him so he could sleep -- that was the only way he could. That's an adorable story. But when vulnerability comes into the picture, things don't always go so well:. Laura: "I had a cokehead give a particularly Nice Guy-esque rant when I asked for my money after a three-hour champagne room session. Also, this is intimate work -- and we don't mean in a physical way.
When you're a sex worker, sometimes you get to be present during pivotal moments in the erotic lives of your clients. Emily tells this story:. Would you dance with her? I told her to relax. At one point she asked, 'Can I touch your boobs? Then they were all over each other by the end of the dance. Hands down each other's pants, running for the door as fast as they could. This couple had just figured out something new about themselves. I love retirement. If it seems weird that the couple was partaking together, well, there's some evidence that strip clubs actually help the marriages of their patrons.
A female anthropologist who spent six years working as a stripper for a study hey, anthropologists do not fuck around concluded that many men used her services because, while visiting a strip club wasn't seen as "good" behavior by their wives, it wasn't "bad" enough to get them in real trouble. This allowed the men to walk on the wild side without risking their marriages -- it was a chance to get it out of their system without having an affair. But look, we're not here to paint an unreasonably rosy picture of the exotic dancing profession.
For example So if it's slow, and you don't make that much, you can lose money. It depends on a lot of things -- time of year, club, etc. In December and January, I had several nights in a row of losing money. That sounds weird, right? The reason strippers must pay to work -- and the primary source of injustice in the "naked dancing" industry -- is the fact that strippers are nearly all independent contractors. This means no guarantee of income, but also no coverage for injuries sustained on the job, or healthcare.
Lots of people work as independent contractors in America, but the strippers are in a real gray area here. Under the Fair Labor Standards Act, you can't be considered an independent contractor if your employer demands a specific hourly schedule , sets a dress code, or determines the price you can charge clients. In other words, all the things strip club owners do.
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Strippers answer the only question you really want to know, and it's pretty surprising | indy
Stripper Jesus, a pastiche of the real Son of God and a mythic, divine female-affirming presence, is the one we appeal to when we need the spiritual big guns to protect us from a stalker, to help us draw big tips, to land a straight job, or to clear the appointment book at the busy nail salon when we desperately need a fill.
Trust that I sat in the theater praying to Stripper Jesus that Hustlers not be yet another strip-club turkey. I was dancing during the days of Showgirls and Striptease , which left me in a state of permanent cringe. When it comes to Hollywood depictions of strippers, we are used to feeling betrayed. Tales of scrappy heroines on the job have been told before in Flashdance , Working Girl , 9 to 5 , and Pretty Woman , but Hustlers is the first one to effectively tip a hat to the specific travail of stripping.
Even as a writer who has addressed my dancing days before, and who feels somewhat emboldened by the sympathetic tone of the movie, I tread very, very carefully. For good reason. In a highly stigmatized profession, anything you say can and will be used against you. Once I began working, I realized the club could be both a playful pantomime of old-school heteronormative gender roles and a grisly battle-of-the-sexes triage scene. Predicting which scenario would greet me on a given shift was impossible.
Hustlers is drawing plenty of praise for showing the relationship between the dancers, and I can attest the sisterly dressing-room tutorials are genuine.
Looks-wise, I was never a stunner, instead occupying a spot on the pleasant-but-not-heartbreaking Laura Linney—Laura Dern axis. But, descending upon me like a team of Disney fairy godmothers, my co-workers taught me there was plenty to work with and plenty of ways to maximize my money.
It was a little too relatable, on a few too many levels. My self-worth vacillated based on market demand. A good night could whip me into the stratosphere, but a run of bad shifts could fling me into the dirt. Without realizing it, I was developing a bizarre competitive workaholism turned inward as feelings of self-loathing and inferiority.
What else could I do to get ahead? If a man can have anyone he wanted — after all, what is a strip club but a buffet of female beauty and attention — why should he choose me? The enhancements beckon: bigger hair, deeper tan, longer nails, poufier lips. I only got rid of my full-length black mink a few years ago; it languished in cold storage from the start anyhow. I, too, felt my purchasing power pushed along on spurts of adrenaline and cortisol, in an industry that accepts that your primary assets are your youth and beauty.
The reductionism is so simple yet so toxic. I pledge to affirm stripping as a legitimate job choice. Or the co-worker at my first straight professional job in Manhattan who outed me in the local gossip pages? What should I do about the former customer who tracked down my mailing address and wrote to me years after I quit? Or my rib cage, which has a permanent flat spot on the left side from where it slammed against the pole each time I flipped my body upside down?
And what about the shame? Shame is a stealth agent. Nice job, mom! Even in the greeting-card aisle. Even 20 years after you quit. I may be in the aftermath phase, examining and trying to heal the sinister bite at the core of body-business capitalism, but I also know that for all the downsides, that silvery air of stripping your way to material advancement is still bracing and real — right down to the dressing-room camaraderie, designer purses, and bloody shoes. And so is this groundbreaking film.
My hope is that this embellished true-crime story will only further the conversations needed to bring about real-world change. This, too, is my prayer. Stripper Jesus, bless the Hustlers. Bless us every one. Already a subscriber? Log in or link your magazine subscription.
Account Profile. Sign Out. The author, in a photo from Photo: Courtesy of Lily Burana. Cardi B and Constance Wu as strippers in Hustlers.
Photo: Courtesy of STX.